Before the Emergency Room

I was sprawled out in someone’s back seat. I was sipping grape juice from a plastic cup, and I was watching Ellen as she crushed some pills and sprinkled them in my drink for me. She packed everything back into her purse, and then she calmly held my hand underneath the pile of coats that had been placed between us.

Someone was driving us fast through the deserted streets. Our speed and the rain blurred the city lights into the kind of abstract art I want my life to feel like. Something like being exposed to things and feeling all the emotions but remaining motionless.

You had been passed out in the front seat since we left the bar. Maybe you were dead. Still your long hair was flowing over your seat and trespassing onto my side, and it dangled there, just above my knees. All I could smell was cigarettes and Vodka when I leaned forward. I was looking out of my window for anything familiar, and without much thought, I started tying the ends of your hair into knots. I felt Ellen looking at me and smiling before I had even noticed what I was doing. I turned to look at her face. Her nose was bleeding. I watched as the blood trailed down to her lips. She never noticed, and I never mentioned it.